I had started my career as a Software Engineer many years ago. Naively, I had believed that a good idea sells itself. That believe was wrong at a few levels.
One, a good idea is only good to myself and has to be structured in a way such that others can see that it’s good too.
Second, the messenger for that idea matters. good idea + bad messenger = bad idea
Through my career, I’ve noticed that some people just get their way more easily and I had no idea why.
That is until my mentor has recommended me to read the book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini.
Since then, I’ve come to understand that much of the work in persuading people doesn’t just happen in meetings and group conversations.
Much of the art of influence lies in the everyday interactions, both big and small. If done well, it doesn’t take long and has significant lasting impact.
Cialdini’s spent years “undercover working in the sales and training departments of user-car dealerships, fund-raising organizations and telemarketing” learning and observing real-life situations of persuasion.
Through this research, he had initially identified 6 principles and recently added a 7th.
The principles are:
Reciprocity: This principle is as old as humanity itself. Humans are social animals and part of being social is to share resources with each other. It’s a social norm whereby, if we receive a gift or favor, there is a feeling of obligation to return the gift or favor. If done well with sincerity, this in turn gets things and people moving. Organizational psychologist Adam Grant argues “that the key to hyper-efficiency is to tirelessly help others”.
Liking: It is not surprising that we are more open to people we like. Here’s the secret of getting people to like you: like them first! By developing curiosity, empathy and compassion, we can widen our spectrum of people we are comfortable interacting with and in-turn they become comfortable with us. Dale Carnegie’s seminal book How to Win Friends and Influence People covers this nicely.
Commitment and consistency: This principal, said in another way, are you able to make and keep promises? Doing so consistently makes a person reliable. There are probably people in your life that you count on to get you out of trouble or that you can depend on. If there were to ask you for something, would you not oblige? Through making and consistently keeping commitments, a person is able to acquire social capital over time, and thus become more influential.
I’ll cover the remaining principles in next week’s post.